Ripple - Rediscovering Your Values

“This path is for your steps alone.” Ripple, Grateful Dead

Ripple has been singing that truth for fifty years. The Buddha said it even earlier. You can have guides, teachers, mentors, people who walk beside you for a while, but the path itself is still yours. No one can walk it for you. Not even the Buddha. Walking alone does not mean doing it without help. It means you stop borrowing someone else’s life philosophy and start hearing your own.

I think about that a lot lately. How much of our early success comes from imitation? We model someone we respect. We follow their forms, their systems, their way. It works for a while. And then eventually you hit the moment every martial artist hits. You have to break from the form and move with your own rhythm. Not always because the master was wrong, but because they were always preparing you to leave or for them to leave.

I held on longer than I needed to. To my old boss. My mentor. To memories of the way life used to be. To the structure I knew. I was not trapped. I just did not trust my own legs yet.

For many of us, this moment shows up in midlife. A parent passes, a mentor steps away, a chapter closes, and suddenly we realize we are the ones at the front of the line. No one ahead to defer to. No one clearing the path. It is unsettling, but it is also clarifying. That is when you understand the next steps really are yours.

Today’s musings are about that step. That first, honest step. Not about knowing the destination. Not about having your values perfectly defined, but about noticing them. About naming what has been true about you all along.

Steps are not talked about. They are taken. Values are not invented. They are uncovered. You do not find them in the quiet room. You find them in the mess. And if you do not know yours yet, good. That means you are finally paying attention.

Here is the part I want you to hear. You do not do this kind of work by disappearing into the woods or locking yourself in a quiet room. You do it by paying attention to your life. You do it with help from coaches, friends, books, conversations. But you do it without outsourcing yourself. You borrow wisdom, not identity. You listen, but you do not imitate. Your job is simply to notice what keeps showing up in you. That is where values start. Not in certainty. In noticing.

And here is the other thing most people get wrong. Values are not aspirational. They are not about who you wish you were. They are about who you already are when you stop performing. You are already living your values today, just not always with intent. The work is not to invent new ones. It is to recognize the ones that have been steering you all along.

If you have been following along in this Quiet Burden journey, you know this is where everything starts to shift. It is the moment when a quietly burdened midlife millionaire stops optimizing the old life and starts assembling the new one from the inside out.

Why This Matters for You

At this stage of life, clarity does not come from more effort. It comes from alignment. Most midlife millionaires are not missing success. They are missing a compass.

Your values become that compass.

Not a brand exercise. Not a worksheet. A filter.

They help you see what to say yes to, what to stop carrying, and what no longer fits the life you are building next. Once you uncover them, everything else, including your decisions and your direction and your energy, starts to settle into place.

This is where the real ascent begins.

GROW With Your Values

I did not discover my values by sitting down with a worksheet. I discovered them the way most people do. By bumping into moments that did not fit.

Years ago, I turned down a multi million dollar opportunity. On paper, it was perfect. But something in me bristled. I felt myself shrinking. Performing. Saying yes would have required me to show up as someone I used to be. I did not have a value framework at the time, but something in me said, Not this. Not like that.

That moment planted the seed.

Working with a coach later on, things started to click. He pushed and questioned and challenged. Not to define my values for me, but to help me notice what had been true all along. I kept trying to choose between words like family and friends until someone suggested the word relationships. Suddenly my whole life made more sense.

Slowly, my values began to emerge. Growth. Relationships. Wanderlust. They did not feel chosen. They felt recognized.

The final piece came when my brother and I were on a ruck. We had GRW, but something was missing. Eventually we found it. Ownership. GROW was born.

And the part that surprised me most was this. When I asked the people around me to describe my strengths and weaknesses, they reflected my values back to me without ever using the word.

My relationships were my foundation. My ownership was my strength. My wanderlust was my energy. My insecurity was not a flaw. It was an indication of my growth.

These were not aspirational values. They were lived ones. They had been steering me for years before I ever named them. And once I finally saw them clearly, everything else made sense.

Don’t wait for the wind, throw the pebble

Your values are not waiting to be invented. They are waiting to be noticed. And once you see them, you cannot unsee them. They begin to shape how you speak, what you choose, and the life you allow yourself to build next.

If you want to begin, here is a simple place to start. Pick one moment from this week that felt true. One moment that felt false. One moment that surprised you.

Write them down. Sit with them. Let them talk back to you. Your values will be in those moments. They always are.

This is the real quiet work of midlife. Rediscovering the person you have been becoming all along.

If you want help or want to share what you notice, reach out. We walk this path together, even if the steps are yours alone.