From Control to Ownership
“Release me.” — Pearl Jam
There’s a Pearl Jam song I’ve loved for years.
But it didn’t hit me—really hit me—until my dad died.
I was driving alone one day, trying to process everything. The funeral had passed. The phone calls had slowed. I was back at work, back to life, back to normal—except nothing felt normal. I wasn’t just grieving my father. I was grieving my old identity. My old partnerships. My old way of living.
And somewhere in that hollow ache, the song came on.
“Release me.”
Eddie’s voice cracked like a prayer. Not for escape—but for surrender.
And I broke.
It wasn’t just the loss of my dad. It was the letting go of so many things I had carried for so long:
My role as the loyal soldier under a leader I respected
My concern over the security of an income source
Being good enough to be better than most, rather than trying only to be the best version of myself
Thinking of imposter syndrome as bad
My relationship with my reward systems, and the identity that came with it
The security of a 2x existence rather than the fear of a 10x life
The belief that I could hold it all together, for everyone, forever
In that moment, the words didn’t sound like lyrics. They sounded like instruction.
Let go.
Not because you failed—but because you’re ready to grow.
Shortly thereafter, I first heard the phrase: you have to let go to grow.
Like climbing that knotted rope in gym class—the only way to reach higher is to release your grip, one hand at a time, and trust that your body will rise. Terrifying. And the only way up.
What Ownership Really Means
Letting go isn’t about quitting. It’s about carrying less, so you can go further.
And that’s the shift from control to ownership.
Control is about gripping tightly, fueled by fear of loss.
Ownership is about holding intentionally, grounded in alignment.
Where control tries to guarantee outcomes, ownership focuses on what you can truly claim: your inputs, your values, your way of showing up.
The moment you stop clenching, your hands become free to build something new.
A Story: When I Finally Let Go
For years, I thought I was delegating. In reality, I was just controlling through other people.
I had my hand in every client meeting, every process, every decision. If something didn’t look like my version of “right,” I stepped back in.
But the tighter I gripped, the more stagnant everything became. My team wasn’t empowered. My family felt managed. And I was exhausted.
The turning point came when I started trusting others with real ownership. At work, that meant stepping out of meetings I didn’t need to be in—and letting my team run with their ideas. At home, that meant letting road trips be an experience instead of a schedule. With clients, it meant recognizing there isn’t just one right way—there’s their way.
And something remarkable happened: the less I held, the more life opened up.
It’s not just me
I’ve seen the same thing play out with clients. One in particular comes to mind — a high-achieving business owner who had done everything himself for years. He managed his portfolio, his cash flow, his family, even the minutiae of his company’s day-to-day. On paper, it worked. In reality, he was exhausted.
He came to me saying he wanted growth, but every time we talked about delegating—whether hiring inside his business, getting a bookkeeper, paying someone to cut his grass, or letting me manage his portfolio—he froze. What if something slipped? What if letting go cost him?
What if holding on is costing you more?
Eventually, he took the leap. He handed off his investments to us, he no longer did yard work, or his books. And almost immediately, something shifted. His numbers didn’t just improve—his energy did. He told me, “For the first time in years, I’m not lying awake at night replaying every decision, wondering how I was going to get everything done.” By letting go, more was getting done and he gained energy.
That’s the power of ownership. It’s not just financial freedom—it’s emotional freedom. The room to show up in your work and life without carrying the whole load alone.
A Simple Framework: Notice, Name, Release
Here’s how you start shifting from control to ownership:
Notice — Where are you gripping hardest? Where do you feel tension, fear, or constant vigilance?
Name — Call it out: “This isn’t ownership. This is control.” Naming it breaks the illusion.
Release — Let go of one piece at a time. Don’t burn it all down. Start small: a meeting, a decision, a responsibility.
Over time, you’ll find that letting go doesn’t lead to collapse. It leads to freedom.
Reflection Prompt
Where in your life are you mistaking control for ownership?
Next Week
We’ll look deeper at what happens after you loosen the grip: the courage to release old identities, roles, and obligations that no longer fit. Because the hardest part of ownership isn’t just control—it’s letting go of what once defined you.
I share deeper frameworks, stories, and tools each week. Subscribe here to receive exclusive insights delivered directly to your inbox.